For this Fourth Step you'll apply the same method you used when taking the Fourth Step in your Twelve Step program, using the slightly modified form below. You'll be working across the page in nine columns, so you might want to tape several pieces of paper together.
1.List your past significant romantic relationships.
2.Identify what was going on in your life just prior to each relationship. What was happening and what were you feeling? (For example, I just moved to Podunk, and I was feeling lonely. Or 1 just lost my job and was feeling really stupid about myself.)
3.If sex was part of the relationship, how long did you know this person before becoming sexual together?
4.How long did the relationship last?
5.What feelings did you have during this relationship?
6.Who ended it and why?
7.What were your feelings when it ended?
8.How did you handle your feelings?
9. How long before you got into the next significant romantic relationship?
When you have answered these questions regarding all past significant relationships, go over the results with your dating sponsor or another person you trust. This isn't about whether you've been naughty or nice but about uncovering self-defeating patterns. As you go over the results, look for connections, including
your emotional condition prior to each relationship
expectations as you entered each relationship
feelings that dominated each relationship
how each relationship ended
feelings you were left with
beliefs you hold about yourself and about relationships that were reinforced by the relationship and the breakup
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