If you were to take an informal survey ofsingle relatives and friends, you might hear an overwhelming "I just wantto he in a relationship!" Many singles view their status as an undesirablestate that they want to change as soon as humanly possible. Many singlesunknowingly subscribe to a myth thai if only they were in a relationship theywould be happy.
As a single, if you are not happy with yourlife or yourself, a relationship will not fix that. Many singles sign up formy Conscious Dating Relationship Success Training for Singles (RESTS) classesbecause they don't want to be single anymore. Often, they send in their applicationsout of desperation and fear. They are hoping that by the end of the course,they will have met the love of" their lives. However, many realize by theend of the class that their job right now is to pursue their dreams whilethey're single, that being single is an opportunity to enjoy their currentlife while preparing themselves for future success in having the life andrelationship they really want.
If you are not happy with your life or yourself, arelationship will not fix it.
Cathytaped up her last cardboard box and sighed- She would be leaving Denver in two weeks. Whileshe was devastated that her marriage was over, she was slowly realizing thather divorce was turning into an opportunity Cathy's life would no longerrevolve around Brad, her alcoholic husband. For a decade, she had suppressedher dream of having a family while she took care of Brad's hangovers.
Now,instead of waiting for her hung - over husband to wake up every Sunday, Cathywalked to the downtown bookstore and zoomed straight for the self-help section.She picked up one book on alcoholism that said that adult children ofalcoholics often enter relationships in which they take on a codependent saviorrole. They feel a need to save and look after their substance-abusing mates asthey did for their parents. Cathy clearly remembered nursing her father'shangovers. And her mother's role-modeling had taught her from an early age tocover up the alcoholism by throwing out empty bottles before friends came overor by explaining that her father needed to take a nap when he was reallysleeping off the previous night's binge.
Cathy wasgoing to move back to her hometown of Cincinnati.The move would be scary and daunting, but she was ready to deal with her pain.When the big day arrived, Cathy dropped her last box in the back of the movingtruck with a thump and a sigh of relief
Everythingshe'd accumulated over the past two decades was there: the pottery she had madein college, the dolls she had collected from rummage sales, kitchen supplies,bedding, stereo system, and sofa. However, she intentionally left behind thebed she and Brad had shared. It felt very symbolic not to take it with her.
Cathy'sfriend, Melissa, was driving with her from Denverto Cincinnati.Melissa was the only friend whom Cathy had hung onto during her isolatedmarriage. They had packed a special picnic basket for the long drive andbrought along a stack of their favorite CDs. As Melissa took the wheel, Cathystared out the window. She was thinking about her past. When she had marriedBrad at age twenty-eight, she knew he had a drinking problem. During the fastand furious sir months they dated before getting engaged, he was often hungover on weekends. He worked long hours as a carpenter, and she had chalked offthe extra beers as something he did to ease the heavy day's work load. Still,she had figured that after they were married, he would stop going out with hisbuddies. Not so. At least one Friday a month. Brad would stumble home at 3 a.m. and fall asleep on theirsofa. Cathy tried to remember what exactly attracted her to Brad. When theymet, most of her friends were already married and had children. She had beenfeeling like an old maid. Dating had been easymen were drawn to her fire-redhair and blue eyes but she had been feeling desperate to settle down. Brad, whowas then thirty-two, had been under a lot of pressure from his family to tiethe knot. He and Cathy had met through mutual friends at a party and quicklyjumped into seeing each other a few limes a week, leaving little space forintrospection.
You have a full and rich life ahead of you.
A fewyears into the marriage, after Cathy had difficulty getting pregnant, therelationship turned rocky. They had intense discussions about fertilitytreatments-would IVF work? could they
affordit?offer which Brad often went out drinking. At that point, Cathy went to seea therapist and starting taking antidepressants. She questioned the future ofher marriage, but the last thing she wanted to do was break up as her ownparents had. Eventually, she gave up trying to have children.
As theydrove on, Melissa told her that she'd felt so worried when Cathy hadn'treturned her phone calls.
"I'msorry," Cathy said. "I was so ashamed. It got so crazy at one pointthat if he didn't come home by 10 o'clock on Fridays, I actually went down tothe bar to find him. I thought I could drag him home, but we would end upscreaming at each other on the street corner."
Melissaturned her eyes away from the road and looked at Cathy. "You have a fulland rich life ahead of you."
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