We hear the word intimacy a lot, usually followed by a sharp intake of breath and a shudder. It's one of those mysterious terms most of us don't clearly grasp, but we intuitively sense its power. Intimacy is more than sharing stories and spending time together, and to be intimate we don't have to have sex or be married. So what is intimacy?
Intimacy, as the word implies, has to do with your inner workingsyour emotions. In his book Addictive Relationships: Why Love Goes Wrong in Recovery, Terence Gorski defines intimacy quite simply as the "ability to identify your thoughts and emotions and share them with another person" (o-9). He goes on to say that you need to listen while the other person does the same thing. The conversation thus discussion of boundaries later, an emotion might signal you to pay attention. For example, you might be frightened when the wind rattles the shutters. This doesn't necessarily mean danger. Your fear is telling you to check things out. It might be reminding you of another time when a similar noise turned out to be dangerous. Upon investigation, you may find it is nothing more than a banging shutter. Of course, your investigation might also alert you to real danger. You have to pay attention to internal warning signals and check things out.
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